Behind the Curtains
Being myself has always been the best person to be. Having blessed
with lots of talents and great skills often put me on the spotlight.
Applause, flattering remarks and great compliments were my rewards.
People always see me happy but what they don’t know; behind the curtains
of my life is a person of pain, burden, sadness and loneliness.
Growing up physically assaulted by my father was very hard. Punches, kicks, squats while carrying kilos of bullets and other basic military training has been the life I had to live ever since I was a young boy. The reason maybe is because I am not like any other little boy. I love playing dolls instead of robots, playing dress-ups instead of basketball and doing other girls stuff instead of boys. It was maybe the biggest reason why even though my father was with me, he seem to be miles away. When I turned 15, I start asking myself, why is my father doing this to me? I may be different from others but I am still his son; and my rebellion started. I never had a good father-son relationship. I tried everything to live up to his expectations; bringing home lots of medals, being awarded as the class topnotch and winning lots of competitions was useless to him and seem to be unappreciated. I never felt being his son. When my sister and little brother got high grades, he always celebrates and tell it to the whole neighborhood but when I got higher grades, he never put even a little attention to it.
But having the way he treated me makes me stand on my own feet. I gained my self confidence through other people surrounding me. I learned to live in my own way but still having his disciplinary thoughts, those maybe were the positive outcomes of his deeds.
As I grow old, I come to realize why is he doing those actions to me. He just want me to be strong and learn to live my life alone without depending on others. Maybe, at some point, he may have thought that the path that I chose will be a difficult path full of judgements, pain and discouragements. He let me feel all those pain so when time comes that I need to stand alone, I will be strong enough to face all the hindrance that may come my way.
Now, me and my father have been working on our relationship. He accepts me for who I am and that completes me as a human being and the person behind the curtains is now a strong, confident and brave person. Thanks to my Pa!
Lala Monteagudo, 2011
Growing up physically assaulted by my father was very hard. Punches, kicks, squats while carrying kilos of bullets and other basic military training has been the life I had to live ever since I was a young boy. The reason maybe is because I am not like any other little boy. I love playing dolls instead of robots, playing dress-ups instead of basketball and doing other girls stuff instead of boys. It was maybe the biggest reason why even though my father was with me, he seem to be miles away. When I turned 15, I start asking myself, why is my father doing this to me? I may be different from others but I am still his son; and my rebellion started. I never had a good father-son relationship. I tried everything to live up to his expectations; bringing home lots of medals, being awarded as the class topnotch and winning lots of competitions was useless to him and seem to be unappreciated. I never felt being his son. When my sister and little brother got high grades, he always celebrates and tell it to the whole neighborhood but when I got higher grades, he never put even a little attention to it.
But having the way he treated me makes me stand on my own feet. I gained my self confidence through other people surrounding me. I learned to live in my own way but still having his disciplinary thoughts, those maybe were the positive outcomes of his deeds.
As I grow old, I come to realize why is he doing those actions to me. He just want me to be strong and learn to live my life alone without depending on others. Maybe, at some point, he may have thought that the path that I chose will be a difficult path full of judgements, pain and discouragements. He let me feel all those pain so when time comes that I need to stand alone, I will be strong enough to face all the hindrance that may come my way.
Now, me and my father have been working on our relationship. He accepts me for who I am and that completes me as a human being and the person behind the curtains is now a strong, confident and brave person. Thanks to my Pa!
Lala Monteagudo, 2011
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